Uncharted… This moment in Change

The word of the day has changed. It was unprecedented for weeks, yet now… uncharted.

In witnessing the horrific murder of George Floyd, on the immediate heels of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Rayshard Brooks and too many others… humanity’s threshold for Black inequality and systemic injustice crossed its tipping point.

Philonise Floyd (George’s brother) said, in addressing congress, “If his death ends up changing the world for the better, and I think it will, I think it has… then he died as he lived.”

This many people spanning every state in the U.S. and countries around the world, speaking up and acting in unison, taking on their communities to demand and create racial equality... has never happened before in our history.

This many businesses and organizations of every kind/size, taking a stand to support BlackLivesMatter, publicly committing to being a force for change in structure, policy and influence… is a first.

This is a painful time, our social structures and contracts are being perturbated, and there’s nothing comfortable about it. Yet it’s also awe-inspiring; by every measure we are closer than we've ever been to being able to truly rebuild to equality … yet it's uncharted.

There isn’t a map for us here. Whether you’ve thought of it this way or not, this is a critical moment for you. Whether you intend to or not, you’re playing a role in it. Speaking up is a role. Not speaking up is a role. Listening to understand and find new empathy is a role. Getting defensive is a role. Sharing your raw process is a role. Hiding it is a role. We are outside our comfort zones in a new way, yet again. Now, in these last few weeks, the comfort zones of our worldview and role in humanity have been busted, and it’s pushing us to self-examine in a way we didn’t choose.

There are so many emotions and layers to the shift that's begun, the work there is to do, and the natural confront-or-avoid response it's stirring in us all, publicly and personally. And we don’t get to compartmentalize it.

The natural and physical boundaries we normally heed (and our brains actually count on) between work life and home life, personal self vs. professional self, issues of the world vs. work were already quashed a few weeks into the pandemic (which, among other things-Corona, pushed us to the edges of our coping strategies). And now, being confronted with our humanity, unconscious biases and identity... is appropriately everywhere. Where we once could expertly compartmentalize, we can’t now, and expectations of us even doing so have changed, too; wherever you are in your own process with what’s happening in the world and the shift to dismantle racism and systemic inequality, it matters to people around you, because it informs their process and existence, too. Whether you were ready or not for a forced reflection to really own your self-awareness and possible role in it all, here you are, anyhow, uncharted.

That’s Comfort Zone, busted in yet another way. It's also how we will grow through this. And you will…

We want to do something, so we can feel better as fast as possible. Yet, while individual shift and the process can begin faster than we think, healing and true systemic change will take a while. Especially here in the US, there's so much dismantling, listening in layers and owning-it for White Americans to do... so healing can even begin for Black Americans, and rebuilding a society from equality can happen from a place of integrity for everyone. 

For Black Lives Matter to be a commitment vs. a phase, it requires process, vulnerability, trust, empathy and stamina from every single one of us. You, your teammates, your neighbors and your family, might each be in a different place. It’s more to process (atop pandemic stress and lengthening of life/work from home) than any of us are used to, or have tools to navigate, uncharted. So while there isn’t a map, this is where we each lean in to listen, to learn, to challenge ourselves, to find the words, and to understand in layers.

So… as a leader, where are you in it? What will it mean for you in growth? 

For me as an individual, I’m looking at my own role and process. Out of college I chose to become a public high school teacher on the south side of Chicago, because I wanted to make a difference where it was needed most. Inspired and forever changed by the book Savage Inequalities, (and its author, Jonathan Kozol, who quickly became my idol), I was committed to change the system for the better, and bring a different way of teaching to kids (and communities) who had been written off by economic, educational and racial inequality, separation and segregation. While we didn’t use the phrase Black Lives Matter at the time, its essence is what took me to Chicago, and fueled me and my work every day there for a decade. I worked to understand, to change things for kids (then ultimately teachers, and the education system) there, and open possibility in mindset and opportunity. In that pocket of the world, it changed things in many ways. To date, it’s the work I’m most proud of, and has most shaped who I am and what I believe about what’s possible.  

Yet here I am now, years later, looking at myself. That work on the south side elevated and made the experience and process of education better inside that redlined area, but it didn’t change the “red lines” from existing. Hmm. In my present life, what am I actively doing to intentionally take on or change systemic inequality right here, right now? Have I worked to dismantle institutional bias and inequality around me here, where I know it exists? While I'm vocal when I see racial injustice or intolerance, have I gone after its systemic roots? Have I asked my Black family and friends what it feels like for them every day in this White-biased society, or listened to really understand, let alone listen in the layers and layers it’ll actually take for me to even begin to understand? Have I really considered that, despite my conscious intention, I have biases I can’t even see, and contribute to racism? And the biggest question that weighs on me right now… why did it take this horrific perfect storm we’ve seen in these last weeks for me to be asking those questions of myself and see this gap? There’s no good answer. So…

The 2nd circle of reality I’m creating is this: I am taking this all as a wake-up call for myself. I have an important role as a human to help fix racial injustice and inequality, and as a leader, coach + educator, that role is even more important, right now and right here. I’m in. So right now, I’m reading, I’m watching with new eyes, I’m asking and listening in a way I haven’t before (to understand first, not to fix yet, which is hard), and beginning to start those layers of understanding as an ally. I’m seeing and owning a new facet every day of the bias woven into the structure of my own privileged life, of the lives that others are living right beside me which are not the same, of what I’ve missed. 

This is step one. It’s sobering. And what will lead to being able to be part of the actual change in areas that will best be able to use my help.

How about you? Call it, own it, and let’s do the work.

Meanwhile, the specific tools I share with you in TapIntoGreatness (every chapter is a tool), my TTG Programs and coaching... all apply to your world every day , and absolutely apply right now, too, as you and the people you touch navigate this growth zone and choose how you want to make impact.

Through it all, you have important options and power in the way you can manage and choose your energy, perspective and connection with others, which will shape everything else that happens. The way you can call out what’s actually happening, the way you choose who you’re BE-ing in the process will set both the tone and the bar for everyone around you. The way you can tap into honest, human greatness for your team will influence their experience and their reality… in your work, your team, and your community… yet absolutely in the history we’re making right now.  Although it’s uncharted, change for/to equality is possible. You have more influence than you think, more possibility than you know in it.

I’m with you, I’m committed to your success, and I’m here to help you work through your process as a leader and as a human. Just say the word. 

In my religion, when someone dies we say, “May their memory be for a blessing.” May it be so for George Floyd, and for each of the sacred Black lives needlessly taken. And also… may their memory be for a change.

Where To Look

THIS IS one of 2 POSTS FROM MY CLIMB UP MT. KILIMANJARO, AND the TRANSFORMATIVE PERSPECTIVE THAT CAME IN THOSE DAYS ABOVE THE CLOUDLINE. A BIT DIFFERENT THAN MY TYPICAL POSTS, THESE LESSONS FROM UP THERE ILLUMINATE AN ELEVATED LIFE DOWN HERE. 

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Mt. Kilimanjaro, from 4 different views

Check out these ^ four photos I took of Mt. Kilimanjaro. These different views of that mountain represent both the biggest challenge and the biggest revelations I got while climbing it. They also illustrate a few of the most profound shifts high achievers might need to make, to realize true impact every day.

Set to conquer a mountain(?)

As someone who runs best with a focal point on the horizon, likes being physically pushed to my limit, and is most motivated when I have a significant challenge to overcome… I knew I had the right mental ingredients for climbing one of the 7 summits like Mt. Kilimanjaro, right? Yes, partly. 

Yes, because the few people on the planet who actually climb Kili (the tallest freestanding mountain in the world), are people wired to conquer things. Like me, they venture to Kili to accomplish it, to crush it– not just go on a hiking trip. The months of training, the challenge of strength over elements, the mindgame of staying motivated through the long, slow trek… is all fueled by a goal:  to say afterward, “I climbed that mountain.” 

In that way, I was mentally set. 

The majestic Kili, from a hour's drive away.

I took this ^ photo of Kili the day before the climb from an hour’s drive away, her summit clear and inspiring. It matched part of the imagined picture I’d had for years of climbing a mountain: tiny little me, looking up to that gleaming, snowcapped summit, pushing myself, digging deep, motivated by the focal point of the ultimate peak. I just needed to get myself onto that edge between mountain and sky, scaling right up. 

Yeah, no. Within the first five minutes of the 6-day climb, that simplistic image I’d carried for so long was quashed. There was no focal point. Once we were actually on Kili, that view of the top disappeared; the trail up the mountain actually weaves around it as it snakes up, and the first glimpse of the summit doesn’t even appear until you’re almost finished, five days into it, 17,000 vertical feet up. My operating view and mental plan for how I conquer anything was busted, five minutes in.

Yet, it still took climbing that whole mountain for me to literally turn my perspective around. Here’s how… 

Phase One shift: Right here.

Surrounded by rainforest at the start, we reoriented to the immediate path ahead vs. the destination. Without a visible goal (or even horizon) for 90% of the ascent, our leaders redirected us continuously to stay present; our daily briefings and constant team huddles focused on that day only, never how much more there was to go. The journey was segmented into one and two-hour pushes on our way to each night’s new camp, every one a separate feat in itself as our self-monitoring shifted into high gear to adapt to the changing microclimates, diminishing oxygen, altitude reactions in our bodies, and steepening terrain.

One of many types of terrain as the trail weaves up Kili.

From dense rainforest to moon-like, rocky terrain of that ancient volcano crater, plus 70 degree temperature swings within hours, plus elevation increasing continually… success meant we had to pay attention to small details in our bodies; breathing patterns, water intake, pulse ox levels, body temperature, hot spots on our feet which could turn into blisters… any of which could be gamechangers without vigilant attention and constant adjustment. We took in that giant, ever-changing mountain in micro-decisions, yards, and inches at a time, our only consistent focal point being one another.  Our attention was moving, from future to present. Internally, while we each started up that mountain with our own purpose, new realizations and reflections surfaced daily as we climbed with new self-awareness. Nightly team debriefs were rich and with layers of those emerging insights, as we shared what each day’s journey sparked.   

Each day, by reflex, I often went to the front of our line in the team, fired up to help lead the pace, a familiar and energizing spot for me. Yet after hours and hours of that forward-focus, I sensed that I was somehow missing something. I tried other spots in our line, and a cool thing happened…  I started paying more attention to everything around me instead of ahead of me. Moment by moment, fully absorbing, I became blown away by every detail I would’ve normally powered right past. I called things out to my team, like, “Guys- do you smell that- the air just changed!” and “Do you see this flower? It doesn’t exist down at ground level!” I started connecting differently, too– with myself and with teammates; deeply personal conversations unfolded even with oxygen depleting, mixed with intensely self-reflective quiet stretches as we climbed in rhythm, pushed ourselves from the inside out, removed from the rest of the world, our presence in the moment. Time seemed suspended, about being in it, rather than getting through it to get to the next thing. Our focus had completely shifted– from out there to right here.

Phase Two: Look Down. (the reality of climbing a mountain) 

Even if it were possible, my naive image of visually focusing up and out isn’t even safe on a climb like Kili’s. The path changes all the time– usually steep and rocky, then tricky, then slippery, and physically challenging (sometimes walking, sometimes rock climbing)… so the higher we got, the more we needed to look down to accurately choose each step.

Choosing the next step when every option is a loose rock, on a steep incline

One bad foot placement could mean an injury that slows the whole team down (and changes the whole trip for you), and extraneous steps wasted precious, limited energy, needed as each effort became more difficult as altitude increased. As the trail intensified and the exertion required of every step increased, that image I’d carried for months of looking up to the peak was replaced with intent micro-focus down on what I was doing inch by inch, step by step; scanning for the next solid rock, watching my teammate’s boots in front of me, following their lead. For hours. And days… Conquering this mountain had taken another shift; focus from up to down, on every next step. 

Phase Three: Looking back. 

Our brains need to see progress to register accomplishment. We’re conditioned to measure it physically in distance, miles or steps with our fitness tracking watches and devices, yet normal metrics didn’t really apply up there. Every step we took was uphill, even though our motion was mostly “walking.” Walking seems like a linear activity, yet our progress was not. Think of climbing a giant staircase, but measuring the accomplishment of it only in the distance of the few feet it would take if you laid the staircase out flat. That’s what our brains were trying to do as we walked (climbed) and walked (climbed). It felt like barely any advancement as we trekked, our brains so focused on forward vs vertical progress. Yet our linear feet and steps were actually irrelevant. The vertical feet we climbed each day, however were staggering. We were actually rising quickly, yet with focus down on the path itself and choosing individual steps, it was imperceptible, and could’ve been really easy to miss. At breaks we’d pause, and see our progress in the height we were gaining above the clouds behind us. I was surprised every time. 

So, I started turning around, to look back over my shoulder...

Turning AROUND to see how far we've come, above the clouds...

I was blown away. That simple pivot from looking forward to looking back changed it all; like Powers of 10, the vantage point from the rest of Earth that we were embodying was expanding, seemingly exponentially. Every view back over my shoulder clarified our progress and accomplishment instantly, capturing how high we’d ascended even in an hour.

So, yet again, my entire orientation for motivation was altered… watching our  progression grow exponentially as we climbed, my focus of inspiration behind us.

I kept yelling, “Guys!!! Look behind us- check out what we just did!!!”…and we’d revel in awe of what we were accomplishing with each push. I started placing myself intentionally in the back of the line more often, eager to look over my shoulder at our quickly-changing progress. 

This was an epiphany for me… leaning into the climb, progress felt incremental, yet in turning around it seemed accelerated. Those pauses to get mental snapshots of everchanging perspective of the world we’d climbed, increasingly spread out below us, were moments of exhilarating pride and true wonderment I’ll carry with me forever. 

By 17,500 feet on day 6, just 2 hours before reaching the summit, the altitude sickness I’d been battling worsened, making it dangerous for me to go any further (punctuated by a guy dying on that same trail a week earlier with the same symptoms I had). Yet, because my perspective had shifted so radically, when my leaders turned me back so close to summiting, I was weirdly okay with it. With six days and 17,500 vertical feet of epiphanic pinnacles above the world at that point, to somehow define the success of the whole journey by a single 2 hour, 1500 ft segment of it to a sign planted at the top, seemed that it would be missing the point. I’d already gotten what mattered. Climbing to that otherworld reality, truly perched above the world on my own power, fully absorbing every step and nuance of living in that sky more vast than anything I’d experienced on the planet before… I got it. I climbed Kili, I got her epic gift of perspective. I was transformed, and I was complete.  

Kili Lesson #3: (lessons 1 & 2 here): Progress is only visible with a shift in perspective.

I never would’ve believed that I, the most forward-looking person I know, would come away from Mt. Kilimanjaro with wins defined by shifting my perspective from future to present, up to down, forward to back.

I coach leaders to expand their ability to influence by tapping into their team’s core motivation as they lead. Research shows us that our #1  motivator is mastery, our internal sense of “I’m making progress forward.” We crave and revel in the mastery of accomplishment or expertise, yet the more we achieve, the less time it takes for the satisfaction of accomplishment to give way to restlessness, then a resetting of focus forward on the next “mountain” to conquer. One of the biggest challenges for driven achievers (as it was for me on Kili) is becoming so focused on what has yet to be conquered that they miss (or dismiss) the progress of impact they and their teams are actually making on the way. Turning around to see it feels like losing momentum, yet it’s the only thing that gets our human brains to actually register the vertical distance we’ve come, the progress the team has made. 

Down Here: Many of the “climbs” that you and your team are on every day are actually more like Kili than they aren’t– the destination is far and often not visible from where you are, the trek can feel slow and laborious. And we’re often thinking about linear distance instead of vertical. For high achievers like us, you know that your instinct (like mine) might always be to look ahead to the horizon and goal. That’s awesome, and part of what makes us great trailblazers and leaders. Yet it also means that this vital practice of pausing, turning around to see and call out your progress is less intuitive, and needs prompting. 

So, try this: 

• Huddle the team together regularly to call out wins, steps forward, and progress. (“what we can say/do/activate now which we couldn’t do a month ago?” “What/who have we impacted in the last week/month? What are the signs?”) Bonus: have each person capture their callout on a post-it note. Those notes can be kept in their space as boosts of motivation, or…

• Get a progress wall up in your shared space, and chart those ^ callouts of progress regularly (weekly, monthly, quarterly).

• Meet with your team individually and often, and have them finish prompts like these:

  • 1 moment that’s occurred recently, which tells me we’re making impact…

  • Since we’ve started, we now have the ability to…

  • We’ve made progress by…

Every single time I push a leader to counterintuitively do this pausing-to-turn-around-and-see-progress for themselves or with their team, they report significant results; people become inspired, proud, and usually surprised by how far they’ve come in progress from where they began, ultimately re-energized, refocused and motivated anew to take on the climb from there. 

Kili Lesson #4:  With total focus on the final destination, we can miss the best, most meaningful parts.

It turns out that “It’s the journey, not the destination.” isn’t just a cliche. Looking forward accelerates us, yet we can easily miss both the progress and the full, layered experience on the way by doing so. 

We focus on the summit as it, because it’s the benchmark that’s most obvious, visible and measurable. Research now shows us that in many cases, this very finish-line focus actually helps us to outperform others who are less focused on the goal. There’s a cost, however.  If I’d have kept that summit-only focus, I’d have not only been crushed by having to turn around, but even worse- I’d have missed the awe of the singular moments, challenges, feats and meaning only possible in looking around, and being fully present throughout the journey. Those moments are vivid to me even now, 18 months later, and what created the most profound impressions of the whole journey– in my thinking, my connection, my self-concept, and my orientation to the world.

This happens all the time- we are so busy focusing on one aspect, that we miss something which could’ve changed everything, if only we’d have shifted our gaze a bit. This It’s a key to what makes most high-achieving leaders so successful, but there’s a cost. Left to those instincts alone, they and their teams miss a lot: insights of growth, the small wins that make all the difference in the team’s momentum and confidence, key learnings that could shift everything for bigger impact, moments of meaning which bring teams together or make it all worth it in the end.

Down Here: What if, in your intently high-achieving, visionary focus, you’re actually looking at the wrong thing in a key moment for your team and for you?  Check yourself as a leader. What are you defining as the summit, and how singularly focused on it are you? What would happen if your focus shifted from out there to right here, from up to down to the next step’s footing a bit more… and stayed there long enough to get the insights available only from that shift perspective?  

As counterintuitive as this may feel, I guarantee you’ll catch a detail, a view, an insight, a moment that’s critical and maybe even gamechanging to the success of your journey, which you’d have missed otherwise.

While few of us ever focus only in one place permanently, we know that effectiveness means being able to accurately assess the whole picture, toggling between long-range goal, in-the-moment experience, and so-far progress. Kili clearly exaggerates this point. This isn’t about changing who you are. Keep that eye-on-the-prize focus; it’s what makes you a gamechanger, yet… expand your range. It took a mountain to truly expand mine, yet you can create intentional moments to purposefully shift your gaze and awareness to here, the next step, and the nuances of meaning… right now. 

©SarahSinger&Co. 2017

Movie, anyone - right about NOW?

On the way out of a movie the other night a friend of mine heard a group of people analyzing and having deep discussion about it.  Later, he asked, “Why can we have an experience, like a movie, then be willing to breakdown every aspect of it- yet it’s not reality? Why can’t that happen more for things that matter? Politics? Health care?”

Great question.

So… why can’t we have more interesting and interested conversations about real issues? You know- the kinds of talks that go deep, thoughtful and intense, where you actually open yourself up to ideas, learn something about yourself, another, an issue or a possibility.  Perhaps your perspective on something actually gets altered or shifted to a new insight.  Why don’t we have more of those about real things that matter? This is a question I wonder about and get impatient with quite alot.  Of course the election is upon us, and there are lots of conversations being had- but they’re not quite the exploratory kind like this, are they? While I think it’s all amplified in this season of elections, I do think there are a few factors that apply all the time…

Something like a movie is really safe to talk deeply about- because it’s not reality.  Even one as layered as, let’s say-  Inception- we can go into an intense and exploratory conversation about it, and analyze it ad nauseum in a very perceptive way together because ultimately- we’re still just talking about something imaginary- not personal.  In fact, I think a movie done well gives people a pretty cool platform for us to look at life and ourselves from another perspective, and possibly really weighty questions, problems, issues we wouldn’t otherwise go into- so deeply on our own, let alone with others.  It’s all safe, because in the end we’re removed from it and talking about it theoretically. Sort of like it can be so much easier to advise someone else on their obvious issues than it is to talk as openly about our own. To me, a good movie makes me think about things in reality and my life which I then can reference as a parallel metaphor.  Metaphors are awesome, because they give us a way, an image, a mirror with which we can see patterns and make some kind of sense of things through something else which is more familiar. Inception gives us a point of entry into a pretty deep conversation/question- a way to talk about subconscious human motivation, influence, perceived reality, etc…  while most people might not jump right into a conversation with me about those topics cold, without the movie as a safe entry point.

As for real issues like politics and healthcare and things that actually matter- I think (especially right now, obviously) that there’s usually (but not always) a distinct motive and intention in those conversations which really colors the whole thing.  They usually happen either with people who clearly agree with you or people who don’t.  That’s just where we are.  On most of these issues, people see a distinct right way and wrong way, and often the point of the conversation is to BE right and to make someone else wrong (either directly or by default).  The problem there is that right turns into righteous, and then we’re not really having a dialogue anymore.  Maybe I’m naive, but to me the irony is that every political policy, idea or tagline started from someone trying to solve a problem, and brainstorming creatively to explore possibilities in order to even get to what we see in the end.  Yet- by the time we‘re discussing it, we’re working with the final answers they came up with and just smacking those back and forth, not the ideating generative process of problem-solving to actually get to the heart of it.

Here’s my salty side, (which you won’t see from me too often, so take it or leave it)…  I also really believe that we’ve been so brainwashed and conditioned by polarizing, distorted media (FOX, MSNBC) and the people who watch it religiously as “news” (I can now spot them easily just by how they reference issues or people) that people really can’t distinguish opinions from fact anymore.  I believe that every liberal should watch FOXNews for 10 minutes and every conservative should watch MSNBC for 10 minutes just to get a reality check on themselves- in looking at how the other side distorts it all so egregiously but reports it as fact- just to see the nonsense we feed ourselves, too. That’s why I like watching comedy satire news- because it makes such a mockery of that stuff which takes itself so seriously.

Howard Wilkinson (Cincinnati reporter who’s covered politics for 30 yrs) captures it well:

“When I started, you had Democrats on one side and Republicans on the other. They would argue the issues all day long, but at the end of the day it was all over. It was like the old story of Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neill. They would call each other names all day long for the national media, and then in the evening Tip would take his limo down to the White House and they’d sit there and drink Scotch all night. Now it’s like blood sport, and no one gives any quarter. When things become that ideological, that rigid, then of course nothing is going to get done….It’s people talking past each other. And a lot of this is fed by the cable news networks with the talking heads, who keep those fires burning… they find the biggest flame-throwers and put them on…”

I keep talking about how much I can’t wait until this election is over mostly because of this very dynamic.  Although I’m passionate about my own beliefs, with the spirit of the debate afoot, I’d much rather watch and discuss a movie. Soon enough, this year’s election will pass and we’ll get to whatever then next “normal” will be.

Meanwhile… I think the question is- can we have truly have conversations that matter about real life issues and challenges that matter as easily as we can a movie, and do it without that edge we’ve been feeling for the last month? If someone knows that your purpose in the conversation is to convince them of something, the listening stops.

I think we can analyze, go deep and truly explore ideas and solutions together, yet it’s a kind of dialogue for which most people don’t have a model.  And can be tough when we feel strongly about something or know that someone else might too. That said, I think it’s important and completely worth learning. How about expanding our perspective, learning and understanding as we explore into questions and new layers together? Sign me up. And best of all- we can cause moments of real insight about things that really matter in our lives, as we truly connect with each other meaningfully in the process.  It’s all in how we frame it.

In the words of Socrates… 

“The object of our discussion is not that my words may have victory over yours or that yours may triumph over mine, but that between us we can discover the perfect truth.”

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012

Double-edged...

A long-time coaching client recently told me that his biggest peeve about me as a coach is that I don’t ever just let him be where he is if it’s a negative place.  I always have to turn the conversation eventually to movement somehow-  “so now what…” or “let’s talk about what you can DO with that…” when what he really might want in the moment is to just be in it rather than move through it.  Me doing my job or not?

It’s true- I have a propensity for forward motion, getting people on board, steps toward the horizon, no matter what.  It’s in my language, my patterns, my material, my teaching.  It’s gotten me into immense success and trouble throughout my life so far.  It’s definitely what makes me great at what I do, and really challenging to people in my life at the same time.  A true double-edged sword with really sharp blades on both sides.

I’m guessing that you have some strengths like this too, yes?  What is it that makes you great at what you’re great at, yet is maddening to others?

In StrengthFinder, I’ve got:

Activator • Strategic • Ideation • Command • Relator • WOO • Individualization

How it’s been described in feedback I’ve gotten from others…

The upsides:

• Taking action when everyone else is swirling in the discussion for too long.
• Facilitating other people’s process quickly to get them to move through it to resolution or breakthrough.
• Being able to see the path out of the mire as a guide for teams.
• Having an instinct for the big elephant in the room (or issue/situation), calling it, so all can move on.
• Energizing rooms full of stuck, bored people to inspired action and change.
• Taking groups farther than they’ve ever gone before.
• Getting people to try things they’ve never tried before, and having fun doing it.
• Creating change and possibility where it was needed for a long time.
• Empowering people to walk away feeling that it was their idea all along.
• Turning someone from frustration and stuckness to resourcefulness and excitement about what’s possible.

The downsides:

• Being too reactive.
• And impatient.
• Pushing too hard.
• Not accepting “no” for an answer.
• Moving too fast.
• Being too positive or focusing too much on the positive.
• Always ending the conversation with what’s possible when someone wants to just stay with what is or what their complaint is.
• Being too charismatic (really?) and convincing when someone wants to hold their position.
• Being hard to slow down when I’ve decided to go after something.

Of course I would argue that a lot of those “downsides”-complaints are often exactly what’s needed in a situation, even though they’re uncomfortable for others.  My wiring for unsettledness when I see an opportunity for change I might be able to impact is what drives me. I can’t NOT go there in my head, although I can quell it for short periods of time in my actions or speaking (usually by request of others).  That never lasts very long before I can’t take it anymore, so speak out or take action anyhow.  I also get that this pattern often has clear costs, usually to those around me.

What are your instincts which you can’t turn off, which kick into gear every time?  Have you identified them as strengths? While every trait has an up and downside, finding the way to leverage them as strengths is the key.  

So again, it comes down to balance, intention and acceptance.

I am forever tinkering with the balance of my own actions and patterns.  A self-awareness of my own presence and how it gets on people around me is critical. Some days I’m better at that awareness than others, which has everything to do with my own state management.  Putting the focus back on the others around me and really noticing their responses to my way- both verbal and not (tonality, eyes, facial muscles, blink patterns and movements) helps me to balance my responses.

Are you noticing the responses you’re eliciting all the time, both spoken and unspoken? Choosing next steps based on that response helps. 

Intention is what I always come back to, in order to make the Why of my course clear.  I often state my authentic intention in conversations explicitly (“…I’m telling you this because I’m committed to your success, and I think this will help…”) so that people can trust where I’m coming from.  While this doesn’t always work (if there’s no trust to begin with), it’s the most honest thing I can do, so I keep putting it out there.

People will always make up your intention in their head unless you state it clearly.  If there’s any tension or mistrust, they’ll assume your intention to be negative. Check yours, make sure it’s pure, and state it.

In the end, I accept that my wiring is what it is.  It brings incredible strength and also thorny challenges. While I have no plans to change who I am, I am learning how to also accept that I must flex more than I might want to when my strengths aren’t working for others, and cultivate more patience.  I trust my coaches, teams and trusted advisors to give me the feedback I need to pivot when necessary (though I need to ask for it more).  I also accept that my every action has ripple effect way beyond what I can see no matter what.

So do yours, by the way. As you trust your instincts and choose your actions, accept that you’re impacting more than you know all the time.  Have your fully accepted both the greatness and challenges of your wiring?  What are both sides, and their impact on your world?  

Intentionally or not, who we are, what we think and how we act in moments and patterns- have impact and influence all the time.  The more we put it out there in the world, the more impact it has, for better or for worse.  Who I am, and who you are is both awesome and troublesome- always.  A true double-edged sword with really sharp blades on both sides.

So really self-mastery means learning then mastering dexterity with both edges of one’s sword.  I’m on it. 

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012

Add Water

We all have elements which act as triggers for particular states.  There are particular songs which fire us up, foods that comfort us, outfits that give us confidence, photos that make us smile every time.  It’s key to know what your best triggers are, and be able to access them when needed.  Having the right playlists on your iPhone, the right visuals in your workspace and the right clothes for your power presentations are important.

Then there are other triggers which are less accessible, less portable, more experiential and episodic. Yesterday, I was struck by one of the most powerful triggers I have in the world, which I’ve been missing and didn’t even realize it.  Water.

There’s something about water that calms me.  The sound of it lapping, the view of it meeting the horizon, the feel of it surrounding me- all give me peace like nothing else.   Growing up in a lake family, I have had strong and layered associations with water throughout my life. I learned both independence and team, discipline and open exploration, outlet and competition, solo space and family connection… all on and around the water.

Yesterday we arrived to the first day of my family’s annual lake reunion yesterday, and the second I came to the water to greet my siblings, it hit me.  In that moment, my breathing slowed down, the wrinkles in my forehead smoothed, and I felt all the muscles in my body relax.

The crazy thing about it, is that most of the time I’m nowhere near water, and hadn’t even realized that I miss it.  While I’ll always prefer a warm vacation on the water to a cold vacation with snow, but never really got the importance of water for me until yesterday.  As I write this now, I’m listening to the waves, glancing up at an expanse of lake stretching to Canada, and soaking it all up as fuel to use later.  I’m capturing the sounds and images to call back up when I need them.  While the stored versions will never be as powerful as being here now, they might serve in combination with some well-placed visits throughout the year to recharge.

So- what are your most powerful, positive triggers which ground you, focus you, calm you or psych you up? Certain songs, places, mementos, photos... the ones that transport you to a great place mentally & emotionally are anchors for productive, great states. 

Locate and strategically place portable anchors (playlists labeled on your phone by energy, photos as wallpaper on your phone, memento from last huge win, kept on your desk), to set yourself up for success all the time. 

Then also look for the big permanent experiential ones too (like this lake for me right now), which you may need to plan for as strategic, regular fill-ups on your path.  They set your state, your mindset and your orientation to the world instantly, so... place them well.   

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012

Feed Your OTHER Strengths

Today on my run, I had so many great ideas to write, teach and develop that I can’t get them out of my head and onto this screen fast enough. Ridiculous in a really exciting way.  Sort of like Popeye eating spinach, then being able to lift 500 pounds... except my version's cognitive. This happens frequently when I run, which is why I now know that I have to do it all the time- more for my head than anything else.

This morning I had a realization about why I need that running think time so much. It has to do with how I, like most people, get in my own way a lot of the time. You see, I have this combination of Activator/Command/Woo mixed with Ideation/Strategic. It’s actually a great combo for coaching, leading, presenting and consulting. I come up with great strategic ideas and can motivate people to act on them and make a difference in their lives, thinking and organizations right away- really cool. There’s an adrenaline rush for me that comes with action and shift- and it’s also how I define my own success- by what gets opened, or shifted. Yet a lot of the time, those action strengths will trump the thinking strengths if I let them.

Consider your strengths, and which ones dominate if you let them. 

For me, the compulsion to create shift, find the way to the other side of a challenge or answer the call to action is almost addictive. I can’t resist it. When given the choice to think on something for awhile or take action, I’ll take the action every time. Luckily my instincts are good (and even my on-my-feet reactions are strategic)- so that works out most of the time.  

Responding and building off the energy and call of others for solution or a better way is what I do well, quickly, visibly and professionally. It happens, gets reinforced by the world, and creates its own momentum. Oh- and it's super-fun (that adrenaline thing). There’s a cost, though; I can easily miss or neglect the deep-dive thinktime to feed my thinking strengths, because left to its own devices the activator in me does its dominant thing... steps up to do something asap. Over time, that drains energy and overall effectiveness- like working out really hard all the time yet not getting enough sleep to fuel it. For me, immersive thinking and ideation time fuels my activator-strategy mode. 

What’s your parallel here? What do you do well and reflexively, which gets reinforced and multiplied in your world?  What other strengths do you have, which need more space?

Often contrast shows us our patterns clearly... like which strengths we default to, and which might need more playtime. Lately I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time collaborating on a powerful, creative non-profit project- which has had much more thinking and thinking time in its process than the action-orientation of my other work. It’s not something I ever make this much thinking time for, and it’s yielding great ideas which will have big impact in the world. Because of that, my action craving is hooked, but the creative noodling process to get there is also feeding me in ways I truly underestimated. This recently hit me on a day when other work/life expectations and deadlines were pressing- but I was able to tune it all out, zoom into my project ideation session, be fully engaged and energized by it without feeling distracted by the rest. The energy from that deep ideation carried over into my other work, and turboboosted it, too, because more of my strengths were awakened, stimulated and present, showing up to the work!

What can you immerse yourself in, which both taps and feeds some different strengths?  

I will continue to run–  where I can just think, reflect and ideate without the drive of action. This kind of thinking, and creating the deliberate space for it (like my runs) yields ideas I just can’t get to by reacting to the world, no matter how strategically I do it. While it's not so instantly measurable in impact, it's critical for shift of a deeper sort which I can only get to when I'm feeding all of my strengths. I will deliberately keep creating forums for myself outside my normal pattern, which feeds those less-loud strengths, because today's run reminded me that creating this space isn't just personally satisfying, but actually necessary for me to get to the biggest breakthroughs I’ve got to bring the world.

So… What are the strengths you have which keep overshadowing the others, because they’re louder in your head or easier to access in your reactions to the world?  Which strengths do you need to manually make more space for, so you can be fed from their energy too, adding to what you bring the world everyday?  How can you create that space for yourself? 

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012

Talent vs. Strength

Strengths and Talent are two different things.  Strengths are what you do easily and regularly, without thinking about it.  These usually come from talent.  Yet we all have talent that isn’t necessarily manifesting as strength.  It may come out in moments or episodes of brilliance, but isn’t reliably consistent yet. While a lot of my work is in the former, what I’m most interested in is the latter.

Strengths.

In some ways, strengths are the low-hanging fruit of my coaching work.  Most people don’t truly realize what their strengths are, or why they’re so amazing.  We’re all too close to have any perspective on it.  Someone with a strength like being able to establish instant rapport and agreement with others doesn’t really acknowledge it as a strength, because it’s as instinctive as breathing for him or her, yet enviable, difficult and a mystery to another person watching. The groundbreaking work of Clifton and Buckingham in this realm has been a gamechanger for millions- so much so that I require groups and teams to take StrengthFinder as a prerequisite for any work I do with them.  We have to at least surface, understand and leverage what we all do well without effort before we start working on how we can grow in new ways.  Simply getting people to be more conscious of what they already do well as their unique and important contribution, and to confidently leverage it as such is groundbreaking for most people.  That’s also telling about our society-  that this initial work (which seems like it would be quick and easy) is huge all by itself for people.  For adults, some of this is from becoming desensitized to our own strengths. Our instinct, common sense and lens through which we see the world becomes as invisible to us as the air we breathe, and we accept it as “normal” (and therefore not anything worthy of leveraging). Meanwhile, our personal set of strengths is unique from everyone around us (and could be genius to them).  It also has a lot to do with our pre-occupation with what we’re not, and what we should be (“Yeah, but if only I were more X…”), rather than an ownership and confidence in what we are, and how we’re uniquely brilliant- and the value of either. The a-ha that people and teams have when they suddenly see their own talent-strength that’s been there all along under those layers is awesome and empowering.

I do love coaching strengths, yet secretly love and crave more, as all coaches do.

Talent.

Great movies love to depict the classic inspirational story of the semi-retired coach or trainer who comes back into the game to develop a wild, raw undeveloped talent into something solid, something strong.  Million Dollar Baby, The Karate Kid, Rocky, Any Given Sunday, Tin Cup, A League of Their Own, The Replacements, even Star Wars…

There’s something different there- much more intriguing, exciting and possible.  This is why my favorite work is with youth vs. adults- it’s much more about working with the talent itself and honing while exploding it vs. working to clear away the layers of stuff on top of it.

Raw talent all by itself is a different thing- it’s trickier.  It’s less predictable and a little rougher around the edges than a bona-fide strength.  Talents can absolutely develop into strengths through deliberate or naturally occurring practice and investment- think Tiger Woods spending more practice time than those with half his talent, because he gets the deliberate path.  How that talent gets developed is one of my favorite topics to think about, coach and experiment with.  Different personalities need to approach it different ways. An awesome article today powerfully shows how even at the top- among the best of the best of the best in a particular field of talent, this happens differently.

But it starts with one thing, which is the most important part… realizing that you have the talent, then deciding that you want more and are ready to explode it into a strength. Maybe it’s just manifesting as an unsettledness now- pay attention to that feeling, and dig into it a little further. Then find the coach, the environment, the team, the training to shape it.  You can do this, and you should, only because you know deep-down that you can, and if you don’t you’ll be forever haunted by “what if I had…”

There’s one more piece in the getting-your-own-talent puzzle, even though it deserves its own day and post.  Personally, I always come back to the most basic piece in developing talent and reaching mastery in any arena- surround yourself with those who ask more of you than you do of yourself.  That means people who challenge you to not just be happy with what you’ve always done, but pushing you to get better, go farther, dig deeper- all from a true commitment to what’s possible in you because they get your talent.  Of course having a good coach or mentor is important, but it’s just as important to look at who else you’re surrounding yourself with.

Pay attention to your unsettledness, consider your own level of talent and mastery, check out who you’re surrounding yourself with, and start building your strength. It’s time.

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012

Prisoner To Another's Process

We’ve all been there in different moments, waiting for someone to finally make a choice one way or another, “get it” or “get over it” or “get on the bus,” right?  Torture.

Sometimes this is more drawn out than other times. In a coaching conversation yesterday, my client was struggling, having to wait for a partner’s (“you’ll just have to wait as I work this out and decide”) internal, painfully slow process of working out their own issues in order to ultimately choose whether or not to continue in their partnership together.

Actually- this happens all the time, every day- by us, around us and seemingly to us, and it can absolutely feel like being prisoner of another person's process, bound there by what they're doing and how they're doing it. Yet you don't have to be so controlled by it... and there might even be something important in there to call out or see, which you haven’t yet been able to see.. 

1) I’m not a morning person.  Normal mornings most of my life= alarm, snooze, alarm, finally up after threat of lateness or another person, first awake hour grouchy, often not speaking, sour disposition.  After the first 5 years of our marriage, my husband called me out on that; my grouchiness in the morning was getting all over him and the rest of our family, and starting their morning off negatively every day.  That impact never really occurred to me before he called it!  So, for the last many years since that day, I’ve woken up every day with the same grouchy impulses I had before, but making a choice to be pleasant.  It wasn’t really so hard to change that behavior, but the impact on everyone in my family was huge.

Who might you talk with about their process to request a change for the sake of others?

2) I like to take action on things and get them out there, often early in a process.  A new business partner of mine is much more inclined to think and noodle over ideas for a long time.  Usually these impulses balance one another out for great results, but sometimes it’s irritating and puts the brakes on our progress when I’m acting too fast or he’s thinking too long.

What about your process messes with the progress of others?

3) One of my kids is a brilliant and focused imaginer, yet slow and reluctant to transition.  When the whole family is getting into the car, she’s still nibbling breakfast or finishing one last pencilstroke of a drawing, still without shoes even on.  Our “let’s go” rhythm and her “just one or two more minutes” rhythm often clash with her feeling jarred out of her flow and us exasperated by having to ask her to take the next step for the 5th time.

How might you try a different take on someone else’s process to make it smoother?

4) A community member dealing with an upcoming big change in an organization I led, chose to air his concerns in public mass-email forums where he argued, rallied people in opposition and planned confrontations. His concerns were seen, but it also caused fear, division and more upset for many people. After I had an actual conversation with him about it, he calmed a bit, yet his justification for his rants was “this is just how I handle things -I know I may make enemies in the process or offend people, but so be it.”

What natural inclination might you have which negatively contaminates others in the process?

That said….

1) I get to brilliant insights and awesome work created when I stay up late at night. (focus there) AND I if the negative impact I was having hadn't been called out, I never would've realized, or  altered my default morning process (not that hard to do, now everyone's happier).

2) My business partner gets to inspiring layers of ideas during that long, deep reflection which will make real change in the world (focus there), AND I learned how to choosily call out the need to move on an idea faster than he might otherwise, in a way he could flex with. 

3) My daughter produces stunning artwork from her default state of creative muse and imagination (focus there), AND we've begun to give her time warnings earlier with multiple checks along the way for all the things she'd normally scramble to do at the last second. 

4) My fellow community-member surfaced important issues, details and questions which may have never been discussed, AND we needed to call out the ramifications of his tactics in how it impacted the whole community, which truly gave him pause about the effect he aimed to have. 

Our unconscious, natural processes are what make us genius and unique from everyone else.  These are the very things that make us stand out in the world.  The challenge may be in preserving the genius and talent of our process while also checking the unintended costs to others.   Possible?

©SarahSinger&Co. 2012